A few years ago, I read this quote and it stuck with me. This week, I felt the need to handwrite it and paint.
I am trying the best I can to be the best I can be. Sometimes my own head and body get in the way. I can’t churn out artwork as frequently as some artists I follow. I’m still new to learning business and I’m constantly trying to absorb more information about it. I’m still learning how to balance art and business. I’m still trying to set up a lifestyle that works for me, day-to-day. I have days where I just need to zone out and do nothing. I’m constantly afraid of my past anxiety taking over with full force again if I push myself too hard. I’m still figuring out how I want my business and my internet presence to be, because I’m in introvert and I simply cannot post something everyday; I have a need to reflect and be deliberate with what I share. I juggle my art business and life and my part-time babysitting jobs. I know that’s how my life will continue to be, so I’m doing the absolute best I can sanely do to establish habits and a workflow that work for me.
I find myself often feeling like I’m not doing enough, despite constantly checking things off my to-do list. I guess I have high standards and hopes for myself. I’ve always been a little overly ambitious but a little bit lazy. I know I’m capable, so I strive for perfection. I always have. And sometimes that’s good- it’s motivating. But sometimes it’s horrible for my emotional well-being. Nothing is perfect. Perfection is something people perceive from the outside, and the person who created it or the person living in it never believes it’s perfect.
So I’m always making an effort to focus on the gracefulness of what I’m doing. Am I creating pieces I love? Am I doing the best I can? Am I presenting a message and a presence I want to present to the world? Am I being deliberate and cohesive and consistent? Am I presenting my work gently and gracefully, not abrasively and desperately? I am working within myself to do things with grace (not in a religious way, but in a refined, gentle, smooth way). I will strive to create work & a life that I’m proud of, and I will strive to be graceful in my actions in all areas of my life. I will always do the best I can, and try to accept that it will rarely be perfect in my eyes.
Whomever is reading this, please never hesitate to share any thoughts with me. I’d love to know what you’re thinking :)
P.S. Forgot to announce that I re-designed my website quite a bit. Go see the new layout and some new content: www.maryandluna.com